The holiday season is hard when dealing with an addict. If the addict is in active addiction they can cause turmoil, stress, and ruin a nice holiday (that’s a post for another day). If the addict is in recovery then I have noticed it can cause some stress. If their drug of choice was alcohol it can be hard to avoid it. It is a legal and socially accepted drug and many people do not understand or include people who do not drink. Another issue with holidays and sobriety is triggering moments happening or being around family members who can trigger the addict. At the end of the day it is always the addict’s responsibility to stay sober but I try to support Turbo’s sobriety as much as possible. I have learned a few things that can help during the season.
My house will always be a safe place for Turbo. As of now he does not mind alcohol being in the house but if he ever said please get rid of it I would do it ASAP. I also do not typically plan to serve alcohol with holiday meals at our house. I will create some fun mocktails, but typically only offer soda, juice, and water. If I am ever elsewhere and expected to serve alcohol I always ask before pouring for someone and try to remember if someone says they do not drink.
It is ultimately up to the addict to know their needs and limits but if I pick up on Turbo acting differently. I will ask him if he needs to hit a meeting, call some sober support, or if there is anything I can do for him. It is up to him to speak up and say yes but when he does I try to facilitate whatever support he needs at the moment. This can be switching places with him so I can take over a sport’s practice which allows him to attend a meeting. Giving him some time to step away and make a private phone call is also useful to him. If he decides he wants to talk to me I listen and try to minimize distractions so he feels heard. When he decided to become sober I committed myself to always supporting his sobriety and I think all of this goes along with supporting his sobriety and recovery.
Turbo says some things to keep in mind if you’re an addict worried about relapse around the holiday are:
- If an event, party, place, family, etc. is triggering you DO NOT have to attend. Some sober houses offer holiday get togethers and a sponsorship family could even put together a sober holiday party.
- If you absolutely must attend a triggering event see if you can bring sober support. A sponsor, 12 step friend, IOP or rehab friend (assuming they are all sober) are great choices.
- Always leave yourself a way out of a situation. A way out should be accessible and comfortable for you. You should never feel stuck in a triggering situation and if you do please immediately reach out for sober support.
- Know your “safe sober people” and if you need to lean on them then do it immediately. Turbo uses the “sober safe people” when speaking about people who are aware he is in recovery and openly support it. This can be a friend, spouse, fellow person in recovery, etc. who happens to be at the same event. He says just knowing someone is in his corner can be a huge help.
- If you are a friend of a sober person respect their boundaries when they set them. I need to leave means they need to leave. I do not want to eat something that was cooked with alcohol means they don’t want to eat it, it does not matter if the alcohol was cooked out.