Turbo here and just like you I was miserable for years. I thought drugs and alcohol were something I needed to keep going in life. I had myself convinced I didn’t have a problem because other people did worse things than I did or other people used/drank more than I did. I thought the people who used/drank with me were my friends. When I didn’t use/drink I had anxiety because I wondered if I had enough money to continue using/drinking. I felt helpless, hopeless and defeated. 

That changed for me in April of 2020 and it can change for you too! Thanks to my wife, Coco, I hit my rock bottom and changed my life for the better. Here are 22 reasons you should too: 

1. You feel better physically. 
2. You feel better mentally.
3. There’s more happiness in your life. 
4. A substance doesn’t control you anymore. 
5. You save money. 
6. You have better relationships with the people who care. 
7. There’s no risk of OD’ing. 
8. People start to trust you again. 
9. You can sort of extend your life. 
10. You don’t have to worry about getting locked up for your substance. 
11. You will have opportunities to better yourself. 
12. You’re a better role model for the children in your life. 
13. There’s an entire support network of people who will be proud of you. 
14. Your life becomes manageable. 
15. You might inspire someone else to get sober too. 
16. You will start to respect yourself more. 
17. Life becomes more calm. 
18. You don’t stress about passing a drug test. 
19. There’s one less major obstacle between you and your goals. 
20. You’ll be so proud of yourself.
21. Your outlook on life becomes brighter. 
22. We will be so proud of you! 

If you’re ready to start a sober life and get into recovery for your disease of addiction. Reach out to a medical professional for help! I know you can do this and you won’t regret it.

Love,

Turbo and Coco

I knew deep down I was an addict before I hit rock bottom. I had lied to myself thinking I could control my drinking/using substances. In addition to that I would compare myself to addicts who treated their family worse or appeared worse off than me and rationalize my drinking/using with that comparison. Rock bottom for me was not an overdose and it was not actually losing everything, it was almost losing everything. 

A few things lead to me getting treatment and my desire for a sober life. Coco had begged me to get help for awhile and I ignored her each time or lied to her each time. The moment I hit rock bottom was when she told me our marriage was over. Looking back on that time now I was headed straight for a rock bottom which might have meant losing my life. No matter what happens in the future I will always be thankful to Coco because without her I would not have started my sober life. The lowest moment for me was hearing the recording Coco had made when I blacked out. I can honestly say without hearing myself and the realization I sounded just like my abusive step-dad, sobriety would not have happened for me. 

Rock bottom for me felt like defeat and was one of the most depressing places I have ever been in life. Once I started getting help for my issues and dealing with them I was able to get out of that dark place mentally and emotionally. 

If you’re reading this as an active addict there is help out there for you. You just need to reach out for help and be willing to do some work. It might seem overwhelming but there are people who care about you and will help you into a sober life. 

If you’re someone who loves someone in active addiction just know this is not your fault. Create boundaries with the active addict in your life for your own safety and sanity. Most importantly know the toxic behavior and treatment you have received is not something you should take personally. Coco had to learn over months that my treatment of her unfortunately came from my low self-esteem and my issues. She did nothing to deserve the treatment and neither did you. 

To be blunt living with an addict is pure H*LL. 

Thinking back on our relationship and marriage I saw warning signs of addiction in Turbo but I did not know that back then. During his active addiction life was frustrating for so many reasons. Due to him always being in an altered state of mind he never seemed to care about my feelings or needs but now I know he was just a selfish addict. I could never depend on him for anything and a lot of our day to day life and parenting fell all on me. This often frustrated me but I realized quickly for the safety of our children he could not be trusted alone with them. Turbo often blacked out and would go into fits of rage in which he would punch holes in the walls occasionally or say some of the most hurtful and nasty things to me. 

My anxiety was often out of control during Turbo’s active addiction. I was never sure which version of him was coming up the stairs and how he would act. I was hyper focused on trying to shield his toxic behavior from our children. There were many times his drunken antics in public would embarrass me. I was lucky enough to have a few good friends who really understood addiction during that time. Not everyone was understanding about addiction and plenty of people distanced themselves from me (us) because of Turbo’s behavior. I also started to distance myself from most people because it was easier that way. I would not have to explain his behavior or wonder who else would be offended or uncomfortable because of his drunk/high behavior. 

I spent a lot of time crying in the shower alone and wondering why my husband was so nasty to me. I started to question where I lacked as a wife and why I was not good enough for my husband. There were also times he blamed me for the reason he would drink/use and that really hurt. The times were not all bad but the bad times were terrible and the good times never lasted because he would always return to drinking/using. 

It is really lonely being with someone in active addiction. Even though you are not the addict your life almost revolves around their addiction. It’s not a healthy way of life or a life I would wish on anyone. When Turbo finally got help I did not think we would stay married. I wanted him to get help because he needed to get healthy and sober but I thought our relationship was beyond repair. I am really thankful his IOP therapist told me to just table everything for awhile and be his biggest cheerleader. 

The takeaways that I think might help people who are still living with addicts are:

1. Never ever take the actions of an addict personally. They have a disease and their actions are not logical or personal. I know a lot of their behavior feels like a personal attack but it is not. They’re just really that sick in the head because of their use/drinking. 

2. You do not have to put up with the actions of an addict. I know it is not easy to get up and leave but you can decide when/how/if you want to stay while they’re using/drinking.   

3. Understand that you can’t fix their addiction. Your best hope is having them deal with the consequences of their addiction and hopefully they will decide to get help. 

4. Take care of yourself (and children) the best you can if you’re with someone in active addiction. They are certainly doing everything to take care of themselves so make sure you prioritize your mental health and your physical health. 

5. Make sure you are safe. I do not want to tell anyone how to live their lives but do not get in a vehicle if someone who is not sober is driving and if you are being physically abused get help.  

I was about 14 or 15 the first time I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I started thinking it was just something fun to do with my friends. When my parents found out they yelled at me and grounded me but I didn’t care too much and that did not stop me from using and drinking. Looking back I think I was genetically predisposed to addiction and addict behavior was normalized for me so I am not sure my parent’s could have stopped me when they found out. A question I get asked even now is how can I prevent my child from becoming an addict and I do not have a good answer for that question. I also think some of my childhood traumas pushed me in the wrong direction. 

I continued using and drinking through my late teens, early twenties and then towards the end of my 20’s I noticed I was drinking a lot and I might have an issue. The problem was my disease was lying to me so I easily dismissed my addiction by comparing myself to others who I perceived as “worse” than me. I also justified my using and drinking by saying to myself that I am an adult and I deserve to relax after work. 

When I started dating Coco there were many times I tried to stop. I would successfully do it for a few days and sometimes even a week but I always went back to it. She was the first person I had been exposed to that had never had addiction normalized for her. I actually thought she was weird because her family, friends and her weren’t always drinking or using. There were quite a few times after we were married that she tried to speak to me about how I was out of control but I didn’t listen. She was the only person in my life who had ever approached me about having a problem and a lot of times I would gaslight her and tell her she had the problem. I started hiding my use and drinking from her and lying to her because it was easier than admitting the truth. At times when I tried to stop I would have anxiety because I realized that meant going without my alcohol and substances which was terrifying. My addict brain had me convinced I needed these substances to function and live. I unfortunately never saw how much I was hurting her and our family until I got clean and sober with a clear head. 

Fast forward to today I am thankful for her coming into my life. She held me accountable and had me hit my “rock bottom” which was a turning point for me. I’m thankful I am sober now for so many reasons. I feel better, I am still married to the woman I love, I still have my family, my life has changed for the better and I never thought it would be this good. Getting sober has increased my self-esteem and made me a better person. 

If you’re a fellow addict like I am and you are still suffering please know there is help out there for you. Putting in work and wanting it is all you need to do and a sober life is so much better. You’re not a bad person, you have a disease which has no cure but if you put in work and don’t use, there is a better life for you.

• Turbo

We think an appropriate place to start is where we are now. Looking back it is amazing we made it “here” because there were a lot of times both of us wanted to give up. We were often told addiction is a family disease but I do not think either of us understood what that meant. Everyone close to a person in active addiction suffers and everyone also needs to heal from the addiction. 

Today, things are not perfect but they are better than either of us thought possible. There is life after addiction, there is even a stronger relationship after addiction, and for us there is so much love and happiness. We hope anyone reading this blog can find their own personal path to recovery. We also hope to educate people about addiction/recovery from the view of a couple who has lived the journey. 

If you are an addict we want our story to give you hope, motivation, encouragement, and the realization that there is a better life out there for you. If you are someone who loves an addict we want our story to give you hope and insight into a relationship beyond active addiction. Sometimes we will post together and other times only one of us will post. If there are topics you would like us to cover please use the “contact us” form to tell us. 

This blog will walk you through the various parts of our story and journey of addiction and recovery. There is life after addiction and if you are suffering please reach out to a medical professional or loved one. People care about you and there is so much support and help if you’re willing to reach out.  

Please use the “contact us” form to reach out to us. We would love to hear your story, or answer any questions you might have about our blog. Please remember we are NOT medical professionals or therapists and NEVER claim to be professionals. We are simply a husband and wife who have dealt with active addiction and now recovery and want to share our story. 

Expect a new blog post on the first and third Monday of each month. If we ever miss our schedule a bit of grace would be appreciated, we have a busy life! Welcome to our blog and we hope to see you come back!