The holiday season was a nightmare for me when Turbo was in his active addiction phase. I desperately tried to make the holidays nice for our children and usually Turbo would show up drunk and/or high to ruin everything. No matter how much planning and communication I put into the holidays, his addiction ruined it. For a couple years of holidays I was going through the motions to fake it enough for our children but I could not wait for the holidays to be over. Turbo got sober in May of 2020 and I was over attempting to have magical holidays. I sulked through the motions over another holiday and was thankful they weren’t as miserable as they had been in the past years. 

Fast-forward to the holiday season of 2022 and I fully understand what focusing on the here and now means. This year the holiday season was wonderful because of Turbo’s sobriety. We enjoyed things that were a nightmare before such as cooking together, looking at winter lights, wrapping presents, sitting together for meals, laughing together, and just enjoying the days. 

I could be bitter and annoyed and focus on the past holidays. They were miserable and I was so hurt but this holiday was better because he is sober. This holiday was better because he is working on his recovery and using the tools he received in his IOP. This holiday is the one I want to remember because I enjoyed it and I will choose to focus on it, not the holidays in the past. I find it hard sometimes but very necessary to be mindful about the present situation I am in with Turbo. I see his changed behavior and recognize his commitment to sobriety.